We are passionate about working to ensure everyone feels safer, heard, and capable of making a difference. We believe that civic engagement is not merely a practice, but a powerful tool for transformation. Our mission is to equip you with the essential skills needed for effective advocacy and personal safety.

Join Us in Learning Crucial Skills to Support Civic Engagement:

1. Self-Defense and Personal Safety: Our classes focus on instilling confidence and embodied power, preparing you for any challenging situation. We’re here to increase your physical and verbal skills to handle adversity.
2. Community and Organizational Safety: Learn valuable techniques in de-escalation and bystander intervention. We’re here to provide you with vital verbal skills and assertiveness strategies, allowing you to create a safer environment for yourself and others.
3. Addressing Burnout and Fear: Our programs are full of empowerment and energy building activities to connect to full body presence, full body movement, full voice activation!  We’re here to offer classes that can serve as self-care to sustain your activism.
4. Fostering Connection and Reducing Isolation: You are not alone. Our programs are communities of support, where individuals pursue their goals and uplift one another on their journeys. We’re here to join you in embracing the power of collective strength!
5. Managing Emotional Overwhelm: In the face of conflict, practice powerful communication while staying grounded. We’re here to help you steer difficult conversations with boundary setting and calling in strategies, transforming challenges into opportunities to navigate relationships.
6. Building Tools for Resistance: In a brave and supportive space, practice the skills necessary to speak up and advocate for yourself and others. Tackling violence starts with empowerment, and we’re here to ensure those skills are accessible to you.

Prepare is here for you!

Prepare offers public classes and tailored training sessions that can come to your community or take place at our training center in Chelsea. Equip yourself with the skills to navigate and influence the world around you! Together, we can foster empowerment and resilience and build foundations to create lasting change.

 

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By Anastasia Higginbotham

What Is Enough?

Recently, my teaching partner and I taught a class of high schoolers. For the fourth and final class, I shared a goal to look at the question of: What is enough?

In terms of their self-defense education, I offered a list of what can be  in plenty of situations enough to keep ourselves safer.

• Volume/being heard/being loud;
• Sharpness, as in: clarity of intention and execution, focusing your voice and body with a singular goal;
• Targeting, as in: aiming for a part of the body that is especially vulnerable;
• Slowing down to speed up, as in: practicing slowly to build in smooth transitions and generate momentum;
• Rhythm, as in: strike, breathe, strike, breathe, assess;
• Congruency, as in: voice, face, stance, intention, action all are aligned to send one clear, powerful message; and
• Presence, as in: increasing our ability to stay in or return to our bodies, even when we’re afraid, confused, angry, sad, stressed, or nervous.

I invited them to choose one or two of these points to focus on during our last class, and discussed how each strategy, well-deployed, could be enough to see them through a stressful or even dangerous encounter.

We discussed, for example: When is being loud key? When is congruency (matching verbal and non-verbal/body language) key? These strategies alone may keep an encounter from ever getting physical. In 85-95% of the stories we hear from graduates, clear, directive language from a confident, ready position ended the encounter, then and there. And when physical resistance is necessary, can we learn to trust that one strike, sharp and targeted, may be enough to end an attack where it began? Our success stories from students as young as 6th grade attest that this is true.

How much is too much?

There’s so much about keeping ourselves safer, and keeping those around us safer, that has nothing to do with physical resistance. An education in Prepare invites students to explore their social conditioning around and tolerance for interpersonal boundary violations. For example:

• How many times is someone close to you allowed to ignore your No, or try to change it into a Yes, before you feel angry, speak firmly to them, or leave the room?
• In relationships where the harm is not physical, but emotional: How badly do you have to be hurt before you feel entitled to take an action, such that the other person might feel pain now, too in terms of the pain of separation from you?

The challenge of a Prepare scenario is not that the techniques are difficult to learn the moves are straightforward and efficient. It’s the physiology that’s tough! Emotional and psychological factors combine in ways that can bring about a full-on freeze response, even in a confrontation where no threat of physical violence is present. We may not fully understand or be conscious of what makes us hesitant to take a step to protect ourselves, and then another, and another. It takes patience to find out.

Growing up, we learn everything we know about boundaries, or their absence. We learn how to ask for what we want directly or, very often, sideways, using charm and other strategies of manipulation. Some of us may have learned to feel so ashamed of what we need that we don’t dare ask for it. This is especially risky when what we need is protection, distance, a halt to communication, or someone to believe us. This practice of noticing our habits around boundaries has nothing to do with blame, but is about bringing awareness to and loosening the grip of these habits. The patterns are there fine, okay. New patterns can be developed. The goal is simply to reveal another way, or maybe several more ways, and then to practice.

Practice without making perfect.

Even with practice, we may wonder if we will ever get “good” enough (loud enough, sharp enough, patient enough) to take care of ourselves in times of stress or conflict. The process of trying raises questions worth exploring, such as: Where do we fear not being enough in our lives generally? Acknowledging our internalized “not enough” is vulnerable. But that awareness is powerful. We can begin the process by offering ourselves the grace to acknowledge where we do feel confident we are “good” enough, a good enough student, parent, neighbor, friend, sibling.

By honing in on the value of what’s enough, we also steer clear of victim-blaming ourselves and others. That feeling or belief that the harm we’ve experienced was our own fault for being too much of one thing (trusting, naive, soft, weak) and not enough of another (strong, street-smart, aware, tough) makes it very difficult to want to exist. I choose my words intentionally, as survivors of sexual assault experience a high risk of suicidal ideation and suicidality.

Perfectionism is a trap and it doesn’t keep us safer. Prepare offers choices, not guarantees; nothing is enough to prevent all harm from ever coming to us. Instead, classes offer practice, expertise, coaching, knowledge, validation, encouragement, emotional support, customized physical techniques for every body, and deep regard for everyone we encounter. A settled body that knows its limits, as well as its power, working in harmony with a mind that can find peace and ease some of the time, these can be enough.

In terms of self-defense, we do well to engage, finally, with what’s enough in terms of what we will no longer put up with, abide, make excuses for, or enable. Once we know when enough is enough, we are ready.

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The most powerful lesson I’ve practiced, as both a student and instructor of Prepare programs, is about being able to stay present to and bear what I know in the most intimate moments of boundary violations and danger, whether they are caused by the actions and behaviors of strangers or people close to me. To me, this is among the most formidable challenges our school-aged students face. For a young person to have the ability to know what they know is radical; to be able to act on that knowledge paves the way for transformation. 

We get stuck on not wanting to know. 

As a child, I responded graciously to adult attention and behavior aimed at me that can only be described as disgraceful. From an early age I knew adults shouldn’t flirt with me like that, shouldn’t comment on my body, shouldn’t look into my eyes that way, confide personal secrets, or pull me close to sit on their lap. While I couldn’t yet put it into words, I felt scared of the attention and knew it was no good for me. Yet the strength of my cultural and social conditioning, as a girl and as a Catholic, had me forgiving bad behavior without a moment’s hesitation, and even had me believing this was some kind of power I could wield. I protected grown men from embarrassment and rejection as though my life depended on it and to such a degree that it was unthinkable to me to be anything but sweet about stuff I didn’t like or knew was wrong. 

The older I got, the worse the behaviors got. When, at the end of ninth grade, my newly graduated senior boyfriend began vaginal penetration after we had discussed that I did not want to have intercourse yet, my only thought was: He cannot be doing that when I already said I don’t want to—but is he?? Obviously, he was. But I couldn’t believe it. That disbelief held me up at a moment when I really needed to know what I knew and take action for myself. 

In just about all those childhood instances, I knew perfectly well that what was happening was wrong and might even be a crime. Yet my private recognition stayed private, and what showed up on the outside was me feeling baffled and spaced out, nervous, smiling, or apologizing, when I had every right to be furious and to verbally and/or physically resist. 

Grieve what’s true, and prepare to be surprised by your own power. 

To live at the mercy of our social conditioning – to feel as though we can’t know what we know – is to be under a spell. What breaks the spell? A space where young people can be affirmed in knowing that the people they love or depend on, who should or do know better, may cross their boundaries and harm them; it is not their responsibility to control people’s behavior, but neither is it their burden to protect people from knowing they crossed a line. 

But hearing that information and being changed by it are two different things. Even when we do accept that these things occur, our acceptance of it may only be intellectual, at first. Teacher says: The facts are this and this and this. Students say: Okay. But what if we were to pause—just long enough to acknowledge our grief at this truth, and our rage? 

Every time I tell a classroom full of eighth or ninth grade girls that the majority of sexual assault is committed by the boys and men of our lives whom we know, some of whom we love, I pause, half-hoping that someone will yell: “Are you fucking kidding me?!” They never do. They show their disappointment in other ways. Eye-rolling and disruptive behavior during class, radio silence during discussions, and opting-out of whatever we’re practicing all speak to the betrayal some feel and their confusion about how things could be this way in the first place. 

Especially in childhood, we want to be assured that we are safe and that the people we’re interacting with are basically trustworthy. Often, this is the case. The trouble comes when we find ourselves caught up, hung up, or frozen in a moment of clash between the ideal and reality. Disbelief and disappointment can keep us feeling stuck, but what Prepare teaches releases young people into their power to choose how they want to relate to what is true in the moment. We can acknowledge our grief, disappointment, anger – take a breath, pause – but we can absolutely not stop there. When we practice what comes next, we unleash our power to self-advocate. 

Two steps back, “Don’t touch me.” 

Even a seemingly small action has the power to turn a whole scenario around, and that’s where, for me, Prepare shines brightest. Prepare offers students a process that does help to tune them in more acutely to their body’s knowing, but moving from knowing to action is key. Very often, the “body” that registers knowing is a collective body—a class full of as many as 30 students, all genders, who, upon seeing a demonstration of some ordinary, terrible boundary violation, will, all together at the same moment, lean back in their chairs, wave their hands in front of them, and shake their heads vigorously. Add to their collective body language an eruption of gasps, oooh!!, and nah, bruh’s from all assembled, and it’s apparent: they know the behavior isn’t okay. 

But a healthy intuition does not guarantee that we will be able to take action on our own behalf when the situation calls for it. Therefore, the practice of role plays and realistic scenarios, with coaching, safety and support in the room, are essential to getting us unstuck from our disbelief and fears about the world being exactly the way that it is. Is my boyfriend trying to sneak sex with me right now, as if I haven’t already said no? Yes. Am I disgusted and mad? Yes. Grief is part of the process and so is rage. An education in Prepare moves the body – the individual and the collective – from a reactive, eyes-closed, no, no, no in the mind or from the sidelines, to an authoritative, eyes-open, loud NO!, from a balanced body that is itself a barrier. This NO is unmistakable.

Knowing what we know is a powerful beginning to self-advocacy.

In my life outside of teaching Prepare, I write and illustrate children’s books about ordinary, terrible things. The books confront death, sex, race, abuse, family upheaval, and the confusing, conflicting and condescending messages kids receive about their own power. These books make space for children to be upset about things as they are and then trust them to make meaning of it. Two are banned in several states, and the one about dismantling white supremacy has been waved around on the House and Senate floors in Texas. It’s been used to justify banning any curriculum in schools that directly address systemic racism and a legacy of resistance to that established power structure. 

In my capacity as an instructor for Prepare and the creator of these books for children, the unifying element is power: the power, not only to know, but to navigate what you know, consciously, decisively. In both contexts, what makes the work controversial is its willingness to confront truths that are not fun or comforting, but that empower children to see their world more clearly, take up space in it, and insist that others regard and respect their boundaries. To be able to act on our own behalf in a moment that feels terrible holds tremendous potential for shifting power, and offers a chance at transformation, at the level of the individual and the culture. 

by Anastasia Higginbotham, Certified Prepare Instructor

Award Winning Author of the book series Ordinary Terrible Things

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Over the course of my 5 years working with Prepare, I have come to lean on experience from my 15+ year career as a studied professional musician to introduce and explain the concepts of muscle memory and adrenaline-state training. The parallels between learning music and learning empowerment self-defense are deep.

Lived Experience

The process of learning music involves putting names to sounds you’ve been hearing from infancy and for me there’s a clear parallel with the evocative nature of violence and resistance to violence simulated in a Prepare class. Scenarios you’ve thought of, worried about, planned for, are given names, conceptual and societal frameworks, and can be confronted head-on.

Communal Learning

The method of muscle memory training that Prepare utilizes pushes against societal ideas of individuality. Through actively learning by watching and supporting others while they try in real time, some of the siloed nature of modern life dissolves. We learn so much while in community with others, often in surprising or unexpected ways. In the musical communities I’ve been a part of, it’s accepted that “on the bandstand” learning is crucial, and is often more effective than sitting at home in a practice room. There’s something about entering this place of in-time actualization – the moment when you put what you’ve been working on into context and “perform” it, ideally, with no option to stop and restart. The moment demands you quiet your inner critic, which is often the voice imposing separation from others.

Slow Practice 

Around 2005 there was a music education conflict around the usefulness of metronomes, with some arguing that using a metronome was just a crutch and actually prevented musical growth. While this position is an extreme one, the metronome is just a tool and can be used well or poorly, I do think it shows a truth about learning: you must start slow enough to integrate the material, to start the process of muscle memory learning. And Prepare does this! The way class progresses from demonstration, to air drills, to focus mitt drills, to realistic role-playing scenarios, embodies this ideal well. I’ve noticed that the rhythm class takes on is regular and defined, but not metronomic, allowing for each student to find their place, slowing down or catching up as needed. I would describe this as a flexible sense of time that allows for real commitment to your choices and actions.

Time

Without the progression of time musical notes have very little meaning. Even within music that takes a long time to develop, is slow, ponderous, or even “out of time”, notes primarily have meaning in relation to each other. Except for the first demonstration / explanation, Prepare’s learning style is mostly “in time.” When practicing as a group, the rhythm is crucial. It helps the students move as a group, commit to moving purposefully, and perhaps most importantly shift from thinking to embodied learning. This element of time is especially clear towards the end of a class set, when students are typically making their own decisions based on a new set of inputs from the instructors during scenarios. This process mirrors the collaborative aspect of performing a newly-learned song with people. You may “know” the material theoretically, but it’s made “real” in the act of performance. In this performance a word might be forgotten, a chord misplaced, but the act of fixing it in real time, catching up and getting back on track within the broader event (song or role-playing scenarios) both requires, and creates, a sense of mastery over the material.

Flexibility

A familiar “aha” moment in music learning comes when a student recognizes a previously learned phrase or concept in a new piece of music. This is crucial to building the vocabulary required to become proficient. Our brains, though amazing, can’t deal with the vast amount of musical possibilities, so we make patterns. When Prepare students begin to realize the flexibility of the techniques they already know, and can recognize their use in novel situations, they are now able to answer their own “what if?” questions. For example, because the techniques we teach in the very first hour of class recur in different physical positions and contexts, students build towards a flexible framework of matching any available technique to any reachable target. The same strike can be used again and again in immeasurable ways. This creates a sense of ownership, that phrase or technique is now a student’s personal tool, useful in a wide variety of situations to keep them safer.

Rest Periods

A vivid lesson from my first year of music school is the importance of rest. An older student explained to me that if you hit a wall working on a specific passage or concept it’s not “giving up” or “lazy” to take a break. In fact it’s through taking a break that your body starts to incorporate what you’ve been working on.(1) I love that a typical Prepare class has this rest period built in as classes extend over a month’s worth of weekends. The integration and learning that happens for our students is often so apparent when they come back for the next class.

Conclusion       

As an instructor, I hope to reduce intimidation for people who are considering a self-defense program but don’t have a martial arts or sports background. It’s not at all essential to understanding or learning the key components of self-defense!  I related to the material through my own connection based on the physicality of music, not from sports or martial arts.  What life experiences would help you connect?

(1)  A really fantastic example of the importance of rest comes from a rock climber, Magnus Mitbo (video). He shows very clearly not being able to do a specific problem on the boulder wall but he still tries multiple times, then comes back 4 days later and finds it to be quite easy.

Ben Rolston
Professional Musician, Prepare Instructor

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Boundaries Are the Real Fight for Our Lives by Anastasia Higginbotham

Both of my children, ages 13 and 17, are now getting around and going further from home than they ever have, on their own and with friends. They make decisions about what they see, who they see, and how they spend their time. I have long enjoyed the stretchy, invisible thread that binds us to each other, and find them both to be reliably where they say they are and easy to find when I lose track of them or they forget to be in touch. 

I don’t worry much and Prepare has a lot to do with that–my own training (IMPACT Basics 2001) and theirs. The younger one took the Bridge Teens Class, for students in 8th to 10th grade, and the older one joined a class for those closest to life after high school, which could include college, travel or paying rent for the first time, and is sure to involve lots of choices with real life consequences.

Still, I can get swept up like any parent might, imagining the worst-case scenario my kid may face as a full-on violent attack by a stranger at night when they’re “out there” alone. I can also imagine a lure in broad daylight by someone who isolates them for something truly horrible. Depending on how much sleep I’ve gotten, I can mentally go all the way there when I don’t hear back from them. But, within an hour or so, I find out that their phone battery ran out, they were someplace with no service, or they’re really sorry, they just forgot.

Reasonable. Understandable. My worst imaginings? Not so reasonable–or at least, not the most likely challenges they’ll face without me beside them.     

In my own life, the encounters that left the most lasting damage have all been with close people whose feelings I didn’t want to hurt – the ones with fragile egos who I protected at my own expense and bullies who claimed to love me yet never hesitated to extract obligation from me and exploit my sense of loyalty, my desire to be kind. 

Prepare classes make no space for victim blaming and waste no energy on clever comebacks – we get right to the point.  

In the Prepare classes, we address worst-case scenarios by teaching physical counter attacks, and the practice with students is glorious and necessary. Students get to find and feel their body’s own strength, focus, and power. The fights can be hard, satisfying, messy, brief, explosive, and awfully fun. I teach physical resistance because I love to see people access their fighting spirit and release it full blast, breathing, scared, and still coordinated. 

Faced with a level 10 threat, where violence is imminent, we show a clear, direct path to cause enough pain – facing front, grabbed from behind, or on the ground – to stop or interrupt an attack, take some action, and get to safety, whatever safety is at that moment for that person.  

Boundaries. Where do we begin? Does it ever end? 

The answer is “Now” and “Never.”

What the class so realistically and strategically builds to are the more ordinary scenarios that are already a part of every student’s daily life: setting boundaries with people they know. 

I remind students that the most essential part of the curriculum is them and what I most want them to study, as we practice and take turns in role-plays, is their own willingness or resistance to fully inhabit a space, a moment of conflict and awkwardness, a relationship where the power is uneven. Is it scarier to strike a stranger who tries to grab you or to set a limit with a coach who’s been an important mentor to you and is now acting out of bounds, abusing your trust, exerting control, and playing you? 

So while it thrilled me to hear the THWONK! on the helmet from my older child’s hip-powered heel-palm and belly-deep NO!!, it soothed my senses to witness his self-regard and alignment in a role-play with a friend who justifies making racist, misogynist, homophobic, and transphobic jokes. 

And though my delight overflowed to behold my younger child’s loud and fierce, “STOP! IF ANYONE CAN HEAR ME I NEED HELP!!” followed by a driving forward counter attack with sharpness and vicious determination in every strike, it eased my soul to watch him maintain an emotional boundary in a role-play with a friend who’s using every kind of manipulation and persuasion to try and get him to drop it. 

As the class series concluded, both told me that the boundary setting practice was their favorite and, though they didn’t feel super comfortable in the physical fights, they’re glad they got to practice those “worst” case scenarios as well. 

No way am I letting myself pass enabling behavior on to my children.

By teaching Prepare classes and enrolling my teenage sons, I’ve interrupted a painful storyline. I’m replacing a generational pattern and habit of submission with a practice of tuning in and getting ready to fight. For what? Nothing less and nothing more than the breath in our bodies, the ways we like to be treated, and all the care and respect that every one of us deserve. 

 

 

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