Of the many gifts that my time with Prepare has given me, the “muscle memory” for handling difficult situations is among the most profound. Being surprised, frightened, or confused can impact anyone’s ability to think clearly or strategically, but knowing that I have trained to respond automatically when confronted with potential danger has immensely increased my confidence walking through the world. Combined with a deepened trust in my intuition, and a belief in my right to safety and dignity, I’ve developed a stronger conviction in my ability to handle volatile situations whenever and wherever they may arise.
As I was running errands on a sunny summer afternoon in my busy Brooklyn neighborhood, I walked by a man and woman standing close together on the sidewalk. As I passed, I noticed the man’s voice raising in anger, and saw the woman’s body folding with fear. Though she tried to walk quietly away from him, he continually blocked her path. The cues I’ve learned to look for, from the aggressive posturing of the assailant to the scared silence of his target, were immediate signs that this was a threatening encounter.
Although I instantly noticed that something was wrong, I didn’t have time to consciously decide whether I was ready or able to be an active bystander. As soon as he saw me and several others watching, he screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!” and charged directly towards us. Thankfully, my body instinctively aligned in a “ready position,” with my feet balanced wide apart and my hands raised in “stop signs” protecting my face and head. The first words out of my mouth were a loud, clear, “BACK UP!” Despite the adrenaline, which could have easily caused me to freeze or panic, my hours of practice supported me in standing firm and acting deliberately. Although I was not expecting a potentially violent encounter that day, I’m glad I was ready. When the situation escalated, I felt prepared to stand up for myself and others.
As I stood there, three others joined me, raising their hands and voices in support. Encountering a firm wall of resistance, the man skittered to a halt feet away from us. Although his face was still contorted with rage, he stopped just short of making immediate physical contact. However, after a moment’s pause, he flung the contents of his open beer down our faces and shirts, daring us to react. I was unwilling to be provoked and stood firmly on the spot. The man began to pace, as though deciding whether to return to his original target or escalate his aggression towards us. Deciding on the latter, he made one final lunge in our direction, and I unleashed a final “LEAVE US ALONE!” at the top of my lungs. He stumbled backwards, finally abandoning the entire situation, and running down the block.
Assailants like this man thrive on the belief that they can act without consequences, whether by conducting their aggression in private or by intimidating those who might intervene. Although I had not stood up to him alone, I’m proud that my actions prompted others to join me. We had denied this man his perceived privacy and power, and in doing so had ensured that we could all walk away physically unharmed.
Despite my adrenalized state, I remembered to take a breath and check in with the other individuals involved. The four of us bystanders conferred with each other, and the man’s original target, to make sure we were all alright. Although we were mentally and emotionally shaken, we were all physically unharmed and able to safely proceed to our final destinations. After verifying that the man was no longer a threat, I began to make my way home. I was dripping with warm beer, and angry that this person felt he had the right to act aggressively towards anyone at all. But that anger was followed by an immense sense of gratitude for Prepare, its community, and others like it. Despite the world’s unpredictability and intractable unfairness, I was grateful for the teachers who helped instill the belief that all people deserve safety and that I could take action to protect myself and others.
A lot of well-meaning safety advice instructs us to avoid going places alone, or stay inside after dark, or hold our keys between our fingers. But I’ve come to believe that guidance that focuses on external factors such as these misses a crucial piece of the safety puzzle. You can’t always predict when, where, or by whom you may be targeted. A threat may not look like what you’ve been taught to be afraid of. But a practice-honed set of skills, a loud voice, trust in your instincts, and a fundamental belief that you deserve to be safe can come with you anywhere and serve you far beyond any given dangerous situation. Although I never want to need to use what I’ve learned with Prepare, I’m glad it’s always there if I do.
Elle Wilson, Certified Prepare Instructor, Young Teen Specialist. August 2023